Monday, March 26, 2012

Troy is Annoyed

Matt let me know that blogs are to be abandoned until one is in a bad mood. Today, I find myself in such a bad mood, and now I will list the top 7 annoyances of the day:

1) People Tweeting About Mad Men
As one of the most anticipated television returns of past two years, I can assure you, if we cared that we would have watched it.

2) Your Voice
I don't know what sort of hairless creature you tried to swallow and gave up half way through, but I would like to see that species extinct.

3) Florida
Not the state, but the people that live there.

4) That Microwaved Food
I brought my lunch, which I will have to microwave, but your Lean Cuisine shit is shit. I'm fairly certain that it has no redeemable taste, and thus I am compelled to imagine scrapping all your taste buds off your tongue with a zester.

5) TV Commercials
You're way too fucking loud.

6) Allergies
If I wanted to be red and puffy eyed, I'd get high. At least then I could eat a bunch of cheese.

7) That Way-Too Cheesy Soup I Ate
About half a second before I ordered you, I knew I would regret it. But you were the only vegetarian option at the soup shop I had convinced myself I should walk across the street for. What the fuck. I ate you on Thursday and I'm still gassy on Monday. What devil anus did you leak from?

Well, Matt was right. I feel a ton better. I mean, my allergies are still flaring up, I'm still gassy, I think I may vomit due to the smell in the kitchen and my ears are bleeding-- but emotionally I'm totally satisfied.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Tweet-istory

I'm still completely clueless and uninspired as to what sort of blog this will become. And like any other phoenix rising from the ash, I'm sure it will be mostly filled with hot air.

I spent some time combing my Twitter feed in the hopes of finding the #hashtag I once tried to push into "trending" (you know, before Twitter got all popular and started making horrible radio hits like a bunch of sellouts).

I never found said tweets, as TweetScan appears to not archive 100% of a users tweets, but I did find some micro-blogging gems I would like to re-awaken this macro-blog to re-broadcast (in chronological order):

  • Oh man. You know what I wish for, right this second? A thousand spinning tops. I know- amazing.
  • Hotcakes are pancakes on a Saturday night.
  • My mustache feels like a really tiny Mogwai hugging my face all day long.
  • Sometimes, I wish I lived in the foothills with flannel shirt and big 1982 Dodge pick-up, kicking the mud off my shoes before coming inside.
  • Lil Wayne. You suck.
  • Screw George Washington
  • I have never seen a seagull back down in a bird fight. Until today. Crows are the dolphins of the sky.
  • I forgot my toothbrush. Wait, that's negative thinking. I just got an opportunity to get a new toothbrush. That's better.

So these are just a few of the micro-nuggets of knowledge I have bestowed upon the world. There are many more tweets with trace memories of glory and enlightenment but, alas, they are lost in time.

By the way, the attempt trend was #icecreamtacos